Thursday, March 27, 2003
Unlike some other things that have paled and waned, licking the mixer attachments is every bit as much the fun of baking choclate cake as I remember from childhood.
0 Comments
9:35 PM
A Soap Opera Day In The House of Thespians
Yes, it was a pretty crappy day all around in this family of actors. I had an audition in the early afternoon; Bob had one in the evening. We both pretty much completely screwed them up. For no good reason. We won't be able to be upset if we don't get cast, because we don't deserve to get cast. Now we each get to torture ourselves for a solid 24 hours.
"You're an actor?" the people I meet in offices ask me, "That must be so fun."
Oh yeah. It's great. Really. Now excuse me, I must go drink some more. Oh, and find my talent, grrr, grumble, grumble, grrrr, must've left it at the bottom of this Guiness...no?...perhaps that one, then.......
0 Comments
1:18 AM
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Be your own fear monger
So, the building I was working in today had a "White Powder Scare" which prompted some of us to start a list of things other than biological weapons that come in white powdery form:
coffee creamer, aspirin dust, anti-persperant on your sweater, powdered donut topping, Country Time lemonade mix, plaster of paris mix, corn starch, cocaine, crack, heroin. talcum powder, Mehron's make-up setter.
0 Comments
12:11 AM
Monday, March 24, 2003
not terribly chatty
I always feel sorry for joggers.
I admire Michael Moore.
British and theatrrr people are best at impromptu awards speeches.
The Tigers are an exciting basketball team to root for....sometimes too exciting.
0 Comments
3:16 PM
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
How To Be More Original: A Self-Help Guide
I had some unexpected entertainment this afternoon as I registered at yet another temp agency. Taking the typing test, I found myself reading a little tract on creativity.
The first paragraph informed me that creativity is very important to my career. Well, yes, creativity IS pretty vital to theatrrr...Hey! Wait a minute. They're talking about my office career. Snicker.
I know what sorts of things Office Types typically consider to be creative: A Mashed Potato Bar at a party (with giant martini glasses instead of plates). That is "Fun" and also "original."
The second paragraph got better. It proceeded to instruct non-creative people as to what was stopping them from being creative AND to suggest very specific ways for them to achieve creativity. Order, apparently is the enemy of creativity. Sing about your problems, on the other hand, and Poof! you are creative.
Nevermind that they're probably confusing the causality here, nevermind that there's a difference between "talented" and "weird;" I see a brilliant future for myself as a Creativty Consultant...messing up people's work stations. . .leading sing-alongs in the boardroom. . .
0 Comments
1:08 AM
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Driving With Mr. Hat
I've decided what i need to make operating the car less scary for me: A Driving Puppet.
I will splain: Within the past year, I've had a really unreasonable series of car mishaps which have made me rather unhappy about the whole prospect of driving. My subconcious is convinced that every time I get into the car I may drive perfectly yet still be mowed down by vicious semi-trucks.
The puppet can hang out on my stick shift when I'm not in the car. When I'm driving, he will help me hold the steering wheel, he will shift the gears, and, when the traffic is bad, he will pop up through the sun roof and wave at the other cars.
In short, the puppet will restore my Security While Driving Illusion.
Now I just need to find a sock.....
0 Comments
3:25 PM
Monday, March 17, 2003
randomly:
the mr. arthur cat has fallen asleep on my lap. so, while my temp. agency typing test from today assures me i can do 47 words per minute, i expect that's not true typing on ehanded from half a foot farther away than usual.
0 Comments
11:13 PM
Sunday, March 16, 2003
Blogger Ate My Post
Grrrr! I was just going on about a really good play I just attended. There was sex and violence. . .and other things of theatrrrical goodness. . .and many many doors.
0 Comments
11:47 PM
Friday, March 14, 2003
And I've learned something today...
I've learned that the Parisian Bagged Salad is on sale at Safeway, 2/$5.00.
I've learned that you will either remember the dryer sheet or the change to run the dryer, but not both.
I've learned that dwarves can turn into mythical chickens named Pojo.
And, finally, I've learned that you should always carry a surfboard with you, just in case you need to convince an evil genie that you're really a surfer.
0 Comments
4:11 AM
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Q: How do you know you have dragons in your house?
A: There are footprints in the pudding.
Before launching into today's story, I'd like to acknowledge the above quote as being from Agent Smith, a fine dragon expert in his own right, since he has 3 of them living under his bed. They are named Jim, Barbara, and Lowenstien.
But this story's not about them. Yet. It's about Mortimer and Stanley/Stella, and their increasing aggrievation, as there is apparently no pudding in the apartment.
"Wasn't there a 2-for-1 coupon for the Snak Pak Mud Pie flavour around here somewhere?" growled Stanley/Stella, laying waste to the coupon drawer.
You see, dragons primarily eat pudding, because dragons primarily love pudding. And, fortunately, they are not at all picky about what sort. Creme Brulee or 1 lb cafeteria can, it's all the same to them. Anytime, any place, there is always room for pudding.
"Pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding," chanted Mortimer, ripping apart the papisan cushion.
Now, the 'why' behind the pudding is a little diffic. . .excuse me a moment.
"I bought some pudding yesterday, you guys," I yelled. "Can't you open a refrigerator, dragons?"
And thus the secret of the partnership between dragons and humans is made, well, less secret. Now excuse me while I go eat some pudding.
2:41 AM
She's actual size, but she seems much bigger to me. . .
After watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon again, I've decided I definitely want to be Michelle Yeoh when I grow up. I hope I wouldn't have to kill her off first, though, to get the position. First, I wouldn't want to and second, like I could, as if!
0 Comments
2:30 AM
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
Well, call me an intellectual snob. . .
. . .but I think it's kind of a bad sign when your temp agency representative shows more interest in the sports teams of the town you just moved from then he does in reading your application.
I mean, it gave me a cozy sense of home to talk about the Cards, but paying my rent also gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling. I question whether a man who can't tell the difference between the "Degree" and "Position Desired" boxes on HIS OWN FREAKIN' COMPANY'S FREAKIN' FORM is really going to help me acheive my shelter-sustaining goals.
0 Comments
3:24 AM
Sunday, March 09, 2003
I just karaoked in a Denny's!
Like it wasn't strange enough being able to drink a whiskey and coke with my French Slam eggs-over-medium, then I went into the "bar" (a formerly normal denny's area, which has green lighting gels over the fixtures to make it, what, moodier? darker? greener?) and sang White Rabbit.
It must be the weekend.
0 Comments
1:56 AM
Thursday, March 06, 2003
Prostituting My Talents, Such as They Are
I've started my very own web-business. It can be found here.
It's called TheWrightWords.com. It's pretty much only useful if you want to comission a sonnet or are a Best Man in some wedding or other and need help with the speech. But feel free to take a peek if you want.
Gosh, with PR like that, I'm sure to go far.
And Prostituting Bob's Talents w/Mine (we're dangerous together)...
Go see about Pirates for Peace. Really. Yar!
0 Comments
1:58 AM
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
I am mad at my cat
He has peed on my hat
And I really don't know what to do about that.
0 Comments
1:51 PM
Signs I found amusing...
Traffic Revision Ahead
Real Americans Don't Ask Questions
0 Comments
1:50 PM
Sunday, March 02, 2003
It's Hard to Be a Dragon
As Stanley/Stella and Mortimer would be the first to tell you, 2 dragons living under a futon is a situation not without it's challenges. Food, for instance, can be a problem.
Dragons can't eat dust bunnies; they're allergic to them. Dragons can't eat the kitty who occassionally comes to visit below the futon; if they held still long enough to chomp him, he would pee on them. Besides, you are not supposed to gnaw on the kitty.
"Well," you might ask, "Why don't they just eat the humans who own the futon?"
First of all, I'm appalled at such a suggestion and want to know exactly what sort of sick people you are there, to hypothetically ask such a thing.
Second, the humans in this apartment are very hard to catch, what with never touching the quickly disintegrating floor and all.
And third, and most importantly, there is the rather key fact that dragons don't really find humans very tasty. Now, they hasten me add, they could totally eat humans if they wanted to. Mortimer especially wants me to note that he is a fierce dragon who can eat anything he darn well pleases.
"Tell them I said 'Grrrrrrr!'," said Mortimer.
0 Comments
2:03 PM
Saturday, March 01, 2003
Frozen mango lemonade is gooooooooooooood.
0 Comments
3:25 PM
|
